every so often
inside of my heart
something appears
a sore spot on my soul
a sudden pang of pain
from a time that feels so recent but i know
it was eternities ago

and i cry
not because of any overwhelming sadness
no i cry
with the realization
of how the shattered dreams that once reflected my tear-stained face
are slowly mending—
no! they’re being replaced
new experiences and emotions
emerge from the darkness like
so many stars in the blackest night

and someday soon the sun will dawn
and i’ll see the love inside that was there all along
and i’ll be more than the fly on the wall
i’ll be a bird
and i’ll fly and i’ll soar
even higher than before
and if i get too close to the sun once more
i won’t lose sight of the stars and their light

because i know how to get back up
after being broken
beaten and battered and bruised beyond hope and
thats where i was wrong
because there’s no such thing as “beyond hope”
or beyond joy
or beyond love
there is only giving up

and when you surrender to the shadows you are only dragged deeper
but i’ve learned that
my struggles reveal my strength
my pain reveals my pride
my brokenness reveals my beauty
and those same old scars on this worn-out heart are now the cracks in the sidewalk from which new life can sprout

and im ready for it
im ready for hope to spread its graceful wings beneath me
im ready for joy to bring light and color to my barren sketch of a world
im ready for love to blossom anew in the garden ive been so carefully tending to ever since the last flowers were burned to a crisp

yes at long last it’s time
for this phoenix to rise
from the ashes and for her to take back her life

this feeling
is beyond hope